The colour of life

2011-11-17T21:12:00.001+08:00

Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re lonely. They’re missing somebody. They’re in love with someone they probably shouldn’t be in love with. They have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish and they dream and they hope, and they look out the window whenever they’re in the car or on a bus or a train and they watch the people on the streets and wonder what they’ve been through. They wonder if there are people out there like them. They’re like you, and you could tell them everything and they would understand.

And right now, they’re sitting here reading these words, and I’m writing this for you so you don’t feel alone anymore.

No sense

2011-11-08T14:29:00.002+08:00

What you say makes no sense.
What you say is pure nonsense.

Gonna bowl later. (:
UT next week and the deadline for assignment phase 1 is tomorrow.
God bless me (: Hope I'm gonna make it till phase 2.
TBH, I've yet to start on phrase 2. My classmates seems like they have stepped into phase 2. Guess I need to catch up. |: a lot to catch up. 22 November isn't far.

So many wants I have got.
- Fly off to HK asap,
- New watch
- New shoes
- New clothes
- Get slim
- Get pretty

How? Some aren't too practical but...

nah, if it's me, it's practical HAHAHHAHAHHA.
:X

Study hard this weekend! PIA UT NEXT WEEK MUAHAHAHHAHA
HERE GOES NOTHING!

Refresh my webpage please.

2011-11-03T15:11:00.002+08:00

Like that how?!

How how how? My result not improving how to go university like that?
I might be going overseas to study for my university life. If I have all the time in the world, I'll spare a part of it to studies. ): Sometimes is lazy, sometimes is want to but no time. I swear it isnt excuses.

Anyway, black i7 fujitsu is back :D whahaha. Time for games. But UT1 is around the corner. How to play like that?! Somemore got work. HOW TO STUDY LIKE THAT T_T:

Anyway, I'm going HongKong!!!! :D hehehe. Excited.
But gonna be broke when I fly back. For sure.

Engage.

2011-10-24T09:11:00.003+08:00

Truth is, I don't care what people think/ feel / say about me anymore.

Especially those who does not matter.

This week is going to be busy.

Working a lot of days this week.

I'm tired.

Worn out:

2011-10-22T23:48:00.002+08:00

Feeling so tired. Just got home from work.

Been working a lot lately. Considering I'm working whenever there is no school. Sometimes I even go to work right after school. Maybe having a IG was better. But hell no to my past IG. Whole lot of bad experience though there were some memorable one. The memorable ones are the one that I'll keep close to my heart. The bad ones will just dissolve sooner or later.

You know. Sometimes people are just way too stuck in their past holding grudge and hating people, bitching and doing all sort of mean stuff behind people backs. They think that we're so not over them when they are actually so not over us either. Besides, we have already moved on. But they are jut too stuck so they try to pull people along with them into the past and be just as stuck as them. Stagnant and never moving on. Wonder how those people are gonna cope with life next time. Like seriously? When you're older, are you still gonna cry over smth as simple as "I spilled my milk over myself when I was 1" kind of stuff? Such a lame joke.

Anyway, that was just my ranting part.

I am happy with my life now. I know (and I hope you do know) that you can never take stuff away from me anymore.

Fact being:

There is nothing that you can take from me.
I've got nothing for you to take either.
Simple stuff makes me happy. To take away simple stuff? Not too easy. (try taking oxygen away from me.)
You don't matter to me. Rather insignificant to me as you've always been.

Moving on.

I've been so busy. Everyday feels like a new chapter of a book. Maybe that's why although I went out with Kingston yesterday, it feels like it was something which took place last week. Times like that, it is either I miss him or I just give up trying to meet him. He just told me he feel pressured by his family to go out and spend time with me. Makes me just want to give up on this relationship all over again. It's either his family is fucked up or I am fucked up. Has to be one. In this case, I'll take it as I am fucked up.

Times like this, I think...

After the countless of tears and heartbreaks, I should be no stranger to the overwhelming of emotions. So why am I still hanging and holding on so tight? I can do better. Yea, there are much better guys out there.

"Since you've already experienced the pain, why not just take it and leave all the rest behind?"

Yea sure. Why not? -

Right?

Year 2 Sem 2.

2011-10-05T17:20:00.002+08:00

1st day of class today.

My class, out of 25 students, 5 students are student of honor.

Student of honor - top 5% in the Course.

I feel so demotivated already wthell.

And my class is infested with people who arnt from Singapore. A lot of overseas students ):

Feels like I'm in one of the strange class.

Today lesson was pure HTML and it was PURE EASY. I nailed it within 10mins. Let me hao lian abit la.

Anyways, went to Kingston house after school.

Yea I'll just continue blogging the rest in my private blog.

Till than.

Hello Mac.

2011-10-04T01:01:00.002+08:00

It's Monday!

School is in again on wednesday. Don't feel prepared at all and I don't think I'd be able to adapt to school life once again after working for so long.

Update of what has been going on:

Have been working for a month already for holis.

Holis is coming to an end in 1 more day.

I'm not prepared.

My fujitsu laptop speakers died on me and it's now on repair.

What happened today:

Met Kingston in the noon to have buffet at GWC'S map restaurant.

Spend about 80++ bucks }:

Went to Harvey Norman to look at apple store because they had an authorised reseller there. However, the offer wasn't good at all. ): The lady told me the lappy doesn't come with charger -.-"

Soooo, we headed to wheelock.

Bought this lappy in the end at wheelock with all the accessories.

Spects:

i5,

4gb,

350GB.

Not fantastic but oh well. It's a mac and it's my 2nd apple product. My first is my iPod touch. |:

Went home and did the insane 8 hours charge. I swear this is one of the hardest 8 hours in my life. Went like "NOT GONA ON TILL 12AM!" since 4pm ): I hope my perseverance paid off.

Yesterday, 3rd Oct was my bestie, Tracy Wong's birthday.

Didn't spend her birthday with her. But I'm pretty sure her boyfriend, Alvin gave her a good one (: Could judge from fb photo updates.

Pretty happy to see her happy with her current boyfriend. Unlike some ****ed up guy messing her emotions and life around ):<

I'm really glad for her. (:

As for myself, Kingston is staying over tonight and we are not interacting at all for now.

We're just minding our own comps, youtubing and blogging.

Oh well, off to bed.

Soonish. :D

Had a pretty good day today.

TOMORROWS THE LAST DAY OF HOLIS. OMFGGGG.

Wish me luck!

IT help desk tmrl.

kbai! (:

StumbleUpon

2011-09-29T22:20:00.004+08:00

2011-09-29T21:11:00.001+08:00

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2JpzNp/www.geekosystem.com/how-to-make-google-translate-beatbox/
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1NXrhi/pete.com/view/how-to-tell-someone-you-love-them

browhaus!

2011-09-29T21:05:00.002+08:00

So I went to browhaus today after kingston went home at 5.30pm. Did not book appointment so I had to wait for about 30mins. They did a pretty good job on brows. Kind of liking it.

The person who did my brow said my brow has no shape and she might be taking a little longer. I don't know if it's something to be proud about or not but it makes me feel like I just came out of the forest to migrate into society.

Went for a fringe cut after getting my brows threaded. Went to Clover (cause minds saloon was full and they were short handed today) The lady who did my highlights did my fringe today. Another :D point to today. Heh.

Feeling pretty now. Doubt it'll last over a month. When school reopens next week and I see all the pretty girls, its gonna be square 1 for me.

But on the other hand, my school has not much pretty girls.

Just my opinion. (:

Things are hanging. But I ain't floating.

2011-03-16T10:38:00.001+08:00

A comment which I paused to post.

Ended up not posting.

We need get away time.

I promised myself not to disturb.

Keep that promise Cynthia.

"Control yourself."

Stay strong.

From the bottom of my heart.

2011-03-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

just now i went his house
i cried shit load of tears.
when i went off, suddenly i ran back to his home when I was at the lift lobby.
When he opened the door, he was crying and asked me why did i come back
I said instinct told me so. He asked, " You came back cause you heard me shout?"
I didnt hear his shout. but i felt smth amiss.
before I really left, he asked me if i wanted to say goodbye to his dogs. It held a meaning where hes asking me not to come back to his house anymore.

He carried his dog to me. I hugged his dog like how humans would hug. and I said goodbye uno. I'll miss you. I'll really miss you a lot.
He broke out into tears. I never saw him crying like that before.
I left the gates, he closed just the gate but not the door. He watched me walk away slowly till there wasnt sight of me.
just what have i done to him.
It hurts him as much as it hurts me. We're both in it together. I don't face these feelings alone
but I am alone where he isnt there with me to over come it.
idk why im telling you what has happened.
pains me. I love him. at least now I know, he has feelings too

That is all I'd like to say to the only person who can access my blog.
However, it isn't all I'd like to say to him.

Hey my used to be other half of me

2011-03-15T09:44:00.004+08:00

The nerdy guy, the talk scientifically guy, the man I love, the one who never failed to show me affection.
Yes, that guy.
is gone.

This blog post is going to be about Kingston and I.

We broke up.

It is a total slap into my face. It forced me to wake up whether I like it or not.

We broke off on Monday morning when I went to his house. My thoughts were off since Sunday night because I could see this coming. I could not eat, sleep and think. I've not eaten for long hours, I've only had 4 hours of sleep and I'm crying most of the time.

Time machines would be of great help. I'd tell myself to behave.

What does it take so that you'll give me a chance?
I know I have not been a good girlfriend.
I'll learn to be a good girlfriend this time around.

I know I have not been showing you that I care.
I'll learn to show you that I care this time around.

I know I have been selfish and unwilling to list.
I'll make sure I shut up and listen.

I know I have been hot headed all the time.
I promise stop and think before I make any remarks, comments or action.

I know I have been complaining all the time
I'll accept all the things about you.

I know a lot of things are all my fault but I've been too stubborn to admit.
This has let to the end of us.
I'll learn from my wrongs and not repeat it.

I never learn. That might be what you are thinking. Everyday is a lesson given but I show no results.

Please don't give up on me. Don't give up on us.

We had plans before marriage, during and after.
We planned on where to stay, our kids name, how many kids etc.
It's all going down the drain and leaving behind the hurts.

You're my other half. It feels like more than half. When you're gone, my whole world feels gone too.

I have no intention. None at all I swear. To let anyone else into my heart. The spot where you used to be and will always be is meant for you and only you. Noone else would ever take that spot. You'll stay in that spot forever. We promised each other forever. I'll hold on to the promise. But it isn't because it is simply a promise. It is because I love you.

I will not find another man. You told me there are better guys. Better guys are not what I want. I need you. My life have never felt this screwed up before.

I should have just said " I will never blame you again dearest." instead of being so stubborn trying to retain some pride in me.

The structure of this blog is very disorganized. This is how my mind works. It is messed up.

Simple yet sweet 19th.

2011-03-05T20:44:00.003+08:00

Dinner at AMK, had crabs and awesome food.

Birthday wishes from:

Family,

Wirdah,

Nadirah,

Chester,

Kingston,

Farhana,

Vivian,

Charlene.

Present From:

Chester, Touhou plushe and a slice of cake.

Kingston, hello kitty USB, famous amous cookies, a teddy and Japanese small bread fish.

Thanks a lot for the birthday presents and wishes.

StumbleUpon

2011-03-01T21:02:00.002+08:00

Interesting sites

Generating a Break Up Letter

Rules that guys wish woman knew

Places to leave love notes

Formal apology

I wonder

2011-02-26T22:12:00.002+08:00

if you do read my blog.
if you think of me like how I still do think of you.
if we do have a little chemistry when we talk to each other.
if you want to talk to me at all.
why do I feel as though I actually still am... kind of... emotionally attached to you.

If I had one last chance to make it all up, I think I'd take it.
I'll be a good girl.
I won't complain about you not having money.
I won't complain how your parents objects us going out all the time.
I won't complain how I'm so bored being with you cause we got nothing to do.
I won't get angry when your net always fails you.
I won't suspect you when you tell me you feel uncomfortable.
I won't flirt with others behind your back.
I won't do things that you don't like me to do.
I will make you feel more secure.
I'm willing to do so much things for you.

I feel so sorry for my boyfriend. I know I'm fucked up.
I just don't understand why I can get over the countless ex-boyfriends I've got but not get over him.

Fact roll.

2011-02-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

Holidays are in. I've been doing nothing except bowl bowl and bowl for these few days. I promise I'd only be for these few days. (:

50 Facts about me.

( Cause I'm so bored )

I used to like purple but I like pink now.
I'm very insecure about my own looks
I got split personality.
My blood type is AB+
I like to sleep and I can sleep a lot.
I'm not obsessed over money. I think enough money to survive would be enough.
1992.
Hello Kitty is the shit!
I used to cosplay
I used to play the violin, grade 3.
I love to go bowling.
I got anger management issues
I'm blunt at times.
I think people who likes to trample on other people should die a slow and painful death.
I believe people who can give me logical explanations supported by prove and reasonings.
I do not look down on anyone.
I believe in karma.
I dislike people who puts themselves over others.
I dislike people who lie without a good reason.
Dislike and hate are two different terms to me.
I dislike people who assume they know the full story.
I dislike people who bears grudges.
I admire people who are humble.
I admire people who have strong characters but is well liked.
I think people with eyes that looks sleepy are cute.
I've got a thing for nerds.
I use a blackberry bold 9700.
I've got very little friends but my friends are all real.
I use terms carefully.
I consider people I know as "I know him" rather than he is my friend.
I stay strong in what I believe in but I do not fight for it because if others do not want to believe, they are not worth that believe.
I can use my 2 hands to count how many friends I've got.
I believe that it is better to hide in the ocean if there is earthquake.
I don't like cold weathers.
I prefer being with my mother side family.
I always bathe before and after I step out/into home.
I don't like potato but I like french fries
I hate horror.
I love gore.
I like my full name but I would prefer it if my name was Chloe.
I like to keep my stuff organised.
I've been to a lot of countries around the globe.
I share how I feel but noobshit people takes it as bitching. Just my opinion.
I want long hair but I keep cutting my hair short.
I like being alone but I'm scared of sleeping alone.
I dislike people who cannot take criticism but expects people to take theirs.
I like things to be fair. There will always be a win-win / lose-lose situation to be fair.
I treasure my mother.
I do use perfume and body mist before I go out.
I want to get engaged to Kingston.

There you go.

Thanks for reading. (:

Human behavior

2011-02-19T10:11:00.003+08:00

Just a lazy Saturday morning with nothing to do. Shall share with you all 2 videos.

Basically, both videos shows how fun can change human behavior. They did a number of experiments to the public to prove the claim of how fun can change human behavior.

First Video would be about implementing piano stairs:

Secondly, they make an experiment on increasing trash being thrown into the litter bin instead of just littering onto the floor. This is possible by making The world's deepest bin.

Yep. I believe human behavior changes accordingly.
Cool experiment. I think it's cool :D

Transfer of feelings.

2011-02-19T00:29:00.002+08:00

As the picture says! My exams ends today.

I am so called officially a year 2 already. But I don't feel like a year 2 at all. Supposed to be year 3 if I did not retain for secondary 5. But it is because of Sec 5, I was able to meet great friends like Weiqi and many other good friends. (:

So I'm going to slack my ass off during the holidays.

Bye W46B :D

Never really liked the class for some reason. But I did make awesome friends from that class.

The awesome people I met :D.

This was more like a candid shot.

From left to right :

Myself , Wir, Nad, Vivi and bear bear.

I never though I'd be so lucky to find friends like them in Polytechnic.

Although we now go to our separate classes and courses, I'm sure we'll keep in touch and hang out as often. Right girls? (:

They are one of the reasons why I do not have to drag myself to school. Instead, I look forward to going to school because of them. Love them ttm seriously.

Thanks Kingston for the ring and the watch. I love it a lot. I still love you the most dear. (:

We went to vivo and have dinner. Shopped and walked around. Sat at roof garden and went home. Although today was short, I enjoyed myself.

& you really feel so much like the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Oh really? That's just what you think.

2011-02-17T20:07:00.002+08:00

Just to say I'm alive.

Didn't commit suicide from UT and driving test.

Anyways,

LAST PAPER TOMORROW FOR ME. HEH.

All the best to those who still has papers. PRESS ON! >: D

Add on / Edit

It would be good if someone could enlighten me on what is a blog for. I don't have the motivation to blog. Can't find the reason for blogging besides letting others know that I'm alive. Might as well just blog only in my private blog / write diary in a book.

I think I should listen to my mum and start believing in a god. Shall not share my thoughts incase this is/can potentially be regarded as a sensitive issue.

B-o-r-i-n-g.

*Yawns*

Dear Valentines day. May you be a pleasent one.

2011-02-13T21:14:00.004+08:00

I might just be the next.

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/motoring_goondus/548300/driver_sketches_his_own_pplate.html

Anyways. Summary of tomorrow k?

Not going to tell anyone about the final result anytime soon.

People who I'd tell : Family, boyfriend and close friends.

The rest will have to wait.

But I'm scared. Oh well.

Tissue Hime :D

2011-02-10T19:31:00.002+08:00

After years, I still find tissue hime awesome. Inspires me to take up the bass. But I don't have the time to do so ):

He is like damned talented seriously. & in case you're wondering, yea he cross dresses. So he's the one in the blue uniform. But who cares. I appreciate his skills (:

Why does so many people who inspires me are non SGrians. Lessens the chances of me meeting people who inspires me. Not saying noone inspires me in SG but people like him is just awesome shitzxzxz. :D

Because we're all merely humans and I'm one of the one with more flaws.

2011-02-10T00:02:00.007+08:00

–noun

exertion of physical or mental power: It will take great effortto achieve victory.

an earnest or strenuous attempt: an effort to keep tothe schedule.

something done by exertion or hard work: I thought it wouldbe easy, but it was aneffort.

I will put in effort.
Everyone offended someone in a way or another once in their life. I am human too. I know and I admit I do offend people. You will think that it is an obvious thing that I'd stand up for myself. That is that I do not offend people on purpose. To believe it or not, I'll leave it to you to decide. If you choose to believe me, I'd like to thank you. But you choose not to believe me, I will still say thank you for being true to your thoughts and my blog post however, I think this blog post will be a waste of your time reading it if you do not choose to believe. Afterall, you're the decision maker/decoder while I am the influencer/encoder of this message. I will partly be responsible for any miscommunication between this blog and you however, you will partly be responsible too.

So, on the topic of offending. To those who I have ever offended you, I'd like to say that I am sorry. Reason why I am apologizing is because.

I want to clear off whatever grudges we might hold between each other.
It's tiring to feel insecure.
I don't think either of us enjoys this.

I can say that I've been thinking a lot lately. I think it's not worth it. I start to believe it is not your/my intention to stir up such ill feelings. I want to write a list of people who I'd like to apologize to. Even if it might not be worth it, even if it might look as though I no more face or whatever, as long as I mean what I say and I say what I mean, the rest is up to them. I can say did my part to try to be a better person and make people clear whatever ill feelings they carry. But if people really choose to decide that I'm just some " two faced slut / bitch/fucked up" or whatever names you can think of, I'd like to apologise to them for the second time. Sorry that my apology might not be sincere enough for them to trust my words. Or sorry for whatever reasons that they do not accept my first apology.

Will do it soon.
I got to rest for now.

God bless. (:

2011-02-05T12:07:00.002+08:00

EVERYTHING I DO ALL MY FAULT K? FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE.

GTFO MTHRFCKER.

_l_

Copied from Kelly Ng's blog.

2011-02-03T17:18:00.002+08:00

Plug in your birthday and see what this chart says about you:

The suits

Hearts live through emotions and relationships. These are the children of the deck, often maintaining a youthful exuberance even into later years. The positive Heart is friendly and affectionate; the negative Heart is self-indulgent or flirtatious. Hearts excel in people-oriented careers. They make good nurses, teachers and counselors, as well as artists and musicians.

Clubs are creative and experience life through talking and learning. As the students of the deck, Clubs are curious, always thinking, and love to talk, read and teach. The positive Club is brilliant and well-informed; the negative Club can be a dishonest know-it-all. Great careers for Clubs include teaching, writing, law and journalism.

Diamonds are on the planet to clarify values. Diamonds like to spend money and like nice things. As the adults of the deck, Diamonds can’t stand being told what to do. Diamonds on a positive path are generous and philanthropic. The negative-minded Diamond can be greedy or miserly. Careers for the diamond person include banking, investing, politics, retail or merchandising, producing and big-business.

Spades are confident, strong-willed and wise. Even when they are young, Spades will often act more mature than their age. These are the workers of the deck. Spades are more interested in doing their jobs well than talking about them or becoming too emotionally involved with others. Spades can be stubborn and don’t like it when others try to control them. Spades find satisfaction in careers in construction (building), broadcasting and health care. And, as the symbol of “transformation,” Spades can also be successful in industries that deal with death or dying, and mysticism.

The numbers

The “odd” (active) numbers represent a person who is restless, on the go, and thrives on change.The “even” (receptive) numbers are balanced and logical, attracting things andpeople to them.

Ace (One) is ambitious, active and driven. You are a self-starter who is excited to experience all that life has to offer. As a “One,” you may sometimes appear self-centered.

Two is sensitive, logical and comfortable in partnerships because you enjoy having someone to talk to, or bounce ideas off of. Avoid being insincere or becoming too dependent on the opinions of others.

Three is curious, restless and enjoys trying new things. You are extremely creative, so channel your gifts in a positive way to avoid worry and indecision.

Four is fortunate, organized and efficient. You are a hard-worker and good at bringing people and plans together. Avoid stubbornness or being small-minded.

Five is adventurous, restless, and hates routine or anything that limits your freedom. As a “people person,” you are comfortable around all kinds of personalities. Learn to commit.

Six is easygoing, peaceful and fair. You prefer to avoid confrontation, but won’t hesitate to stand up for what you believe in. Avoid stubbornness or falling into a rut.

Seven is the most mystical of all numbers. You have a mental sharpness that, when combined with your intuition (hunches), will serve you well. Have faith that you are being guided. Avoid being indifferent or skeptical.

Eight is the number of power and abundance. You enjoy attention and have special talents in the area of your suit (Hearts — charm; Clubs — knowledge; Diamonds — leadership; Spades — wisdom). Avoid power struggles.

Nine is intelligent and happiest when you give in and are willing to let go. Beware of being too overbearing, stingy or bullying.

10 is ambitious, capable and confident. You like to do things in a big way and may be obsessive or take on too much responsibility.

The “faces” are natural leaders who need to be respected. Even the Jacks, who may be less mature and serious than the King and Queen, need their talents to be recognized.

Jack is clever and playful. This youngest member of the royal family is creative and charming. There may be a tendency to stretch the truth or avoid responsibility.

Queen expresses power and leadership with compassion. Just as powerful as a King, you enjoy pleasing and taking care of others. Beware of being too demanding.

King is a natural leader. Authoritative, powerful, and wise, you prefer to do things your own way. Use caution when it comes to being too pushy or dismissive of others.

Joker is the wild card! A sneaky trickster who can take on the personality of any card in the deck, but most often acts like a Jack. Dec. 31 is the only day of the year that’s linked to the Joker. People born on this day cannot be read using this system.

I si hao lian. How?

2011-02-03T17:03:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

-0.5 }: Pain leh.

2011-02-01T22:03:00.005+08:00

*Turns away and point middle finger*
*Turns back into direction*
You were saying? (:

So, my first late in my RP life. Wanted to cab to school but I waited for the cab for 30mins at the bus stop. Might as well just take bus and MRT to school since I'll be late even by taking a cab. I reached woodlands MRT station at 8.30am. So since I'm late, why not wait for Kingston and buy macdonalds. Bought mac and waited for king till 8.50 and went to school tgt.

I dislike how RP make simple problem seem so difficult when they twist and turn the question like some intertwined roller coaster. I mean why not straight to the point? Better application I agree but it makes students who gives up early give up.

Anyway, glad that

bear,vivi,wir,nad and I managed to solve the problem (although up till now, I don't really know if we did it correctly.) Cass bought for bear bear birthday present. Sticky sweets :D She even bought for the other 4 of us. How sweet She's such a sweet thing. I admire her a lot. She is like the first person whom I actually admire IRL. I've never met someone as beautiful as her.

Thanks Cass:D

Had math revision after school but I left earlier cause there was meeting. All I can say is that I'm god damned tired and I have to admit I has times where I was day dreaming when I'm not typing down notes on the laptop.

Went to Queensway shopping center after that to get king's shoe. His shopping is like damned boring can? I told him now I understand why guys gets bored when girls shop. I almost died talking to him and he almost died trying to do what I ask him to when he was trying to get his shoe size right. Ate dinner together and went home. Tomorrow lunch would be the last time I see him before dreaded CNY ends. Maybe I'll only learn to appreciate CNY when I age. Who knows?

I don't know what name to give this term. Things? Shall stick with things. Things have been prompting me to do reflection a lot lately. In class,off class, in school, off school, at home off home, in work, off work. I'm working as Kingston's girlfriend if you don't know loool. Back on track, srsly, a lot of reflection. I can not promise that I'll 100% understand things from a different point of view but I can assure you that I do try my best to make myself see things from a different point of view. The reason why I do reflection is not to please anyone but rather, I do continuously try to improve myself as a person/friend/family member/lover etc because I want to be better. Sources: Videos, online articles, bible phrases, enlightening,encouragement from friends etc. Digesting and applying are 2 different things. Someone might understand and know everything but do not know how to apply = no point. I'm not saying I understand. The thing is I know I tried. I don't really know if I'm supposed to feel remorseful/sad/ guilty or something else. I don't even feel anger. Might be puzzled but not really also. Maybe shock would be the word? I don't know. Oh well... Haha. That's just life isn't it?

Ending off todays post.
I have been thinking how cool would it be if all my friends and I were in the same class. Like from kindergardern, primary school,sec sch friends are all crammed into the same class. Friends ah not ex classmate. Sounds fun. :D Just can't imagine. Cause I'm so open with my friends, I think I'll be scolding vulg across class everyday. Ahyo.

The parts of puzzles does not necessary fit.

2011-01-26T19:28:00.002+08:00

Hello {: I know it's been decades since I've updated. I don't have anything interesting to blog so yea.

It's going to be Chinese New Year soon. Never liked Chinese New Year since young because I never liked staying out of house. Besides, I've never been close to any of my relatives except for a few relatives from my mother side. Red packets does not attract me either. It's not that I'm trying to say I'm rich. My red packet money always go to my mother. I think it's worth it giving her. After all I leeched 18 years worth of life money depending on her. ): Sometimes I'd really love to express my gratitude but I just cannot find ways to do it. Too mushy!

School has been fine. It's the 13/14th week of this semester. 2 more weeks to go and year 2 kicks in. Looking forward to the end of school cause there will be breaks. But I'm going to miss the friends I've made in W46B. Of course I wouldn't exclude the classmates which I didn't take the chance / have the chance to become friends with due to only 15 weeks of interaction. But oh well quality comes before quantity.

Bowling has been good yet bad.
Working on 4th step. Coach says I'm improving (: I know my scores isn't going up. But I would like to work on my basics first. Unpleasant things have been going around in the IG. What I have got to say is, I think we should start to be serious with training. Although I'm just a member/just a committee member in the bowling team. Some might say I'm not even holding a big position in the bowling IG, I feel that we should change ourselves for the team. Even though some of us might have unvoiced unhappiness between each other, at the end of the day, we're doing things like training, getting new achievements togther as a whole for the sake of RP's name and of course for RP's Bowling IG name. Even though some of us might hate / dislike each other and want to kill each other so much from the bottom of the heart, we should always remember that we're in an IG. We are supposed and have to work and function like a team. So for the love of Bowling IG, do it for the sake of bowling IG. It does not only hurt us individually but it actually also hurts those innocent IG members( the neutral party) who comes to bowling IG because of the love of the sport itself as well as the team.

There are always 2 sides of the story( Or maybe more? ). The reasons which I can think of are
1: You didn't get the chance to hear the other side of the story
2: Both sides of the story just does not fit. Hence, you don't know who to trust and you choose to trust your friend.

Many time, people fail to see both sides of the story. Who would actually think for someone who you want to kill so much? I think that we should just all voice out unhappiness at the start when it's small. Backlog is never a good thing.

Neither am i trying nor want to be perfect because I know noone will ever be perfect. It's just something which somewhat bothers me because people are being treated the way they don't deserve to.

I know my capabilities. I wouldn't say I know it all very well but I know a few. If noone is going to make the best out of themselves, I'll try my best to make the best out of myself to get the best out of them which in turns make the best out of the team. I do not promise I will succeed but I promise I will try. Just like how I promise my friends I will try my best to help when I can but I cannot promise it will all work out.
Anyway, at this rate, it feels so much like things are not going to get to anywhere. But when I think back, why am I trying so hard? I don't quite get it.

Will end my blog post on a happy note.
MY STICKERS CAME WOOHOO! This means I've got stickers to give to my friends tomorrow :D heee. Hope they'll like it!
Promise to post picts of it soon! My computer can't read my bb cause I reformatted my comp ):

Toodles! (:

Reverse

2011-01-16T12:14:00.003+08:00

He doesn't enjoy being with me.All I give him is misery that what he says.I hate how we mention the word break up so casually as though the relationship we have together is just a game. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time to undo stuff which I did or do stuff I didn't do. Now I'm wondering if he's really the one I'm going to be with for life. Forever seems like bull shit. Forever to us is 5months and a week.

When I'm sad, I sleep. But when I sleep, I make nightmares. I feel so exhausted. I wish he'd come back. I wish the Kingston I got together on the 26th July 2010 would come back. I wish the Cynthia he got together on the 26th July 2010 would come back. I feel like killing myself over here already.

2011-01-15T20:56:00.004+08:00

This video speaks for me.
Except for some parts. I gave him nothing but hurt.

An Jing Le - Silenced

Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
There's only the piano left to stand here with me

Meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The marriage between us that I've always dreamt of

Que cheng le chan ren jie hun jin xing qu
Has become the tune of someone walking down the aisle alone

Zai zhe chang ai qing jiao li de ba he li Ai wo hai shi ai ni
In this love tug-of-war, to love me or to love you

Ni xuan ze le zi ji
You chose yourself

Sa jiao de, ke ai de, nu ren de, ai ku de,
Poutingly, Cutely, Girlishly, Loving to cry

zhao pian li, ceng jing de, dou shi ni xi huan de
All the photos contains memories that you like

Ru jin wo hai zai yuan di Ni que zou hui ni de ji yi
Till today I'm still at the starting point, but you have already walked back into your memories

Ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo Jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I loved you too much, so much so that it's drowning you

Ni hai pa xing fu duan zhan yi miao jiu beng luo
You're scared that happiness will ebb after only a second

Fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo Rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Breaking up is a form of relief; it allows you to think through carefully

Wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong Ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Can you give me that life that I want

Ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo Jue bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I gave you too much, that you couldn't give me anything

Fen bu qing qi qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can't tell between fervour, promises, eternity or temptation

Ai qing shi yi dao shang kou
Love is like a wound

Wo men ge zi ku tong
Let's endure the pain ourselves

Chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou
What is my final act of gentleness

Shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Is because I love you too much

zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
There's only the piano left to stand here with me

meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The marriage between us that I've always dreamt of

an jing le zai wo zhen bian de meng li
Has been silenced in my night-long dream

wo zhi dao xiang ai yuan ben jiu bu rong yi
I know that mutual love is not easy from the start

ai bu shi yi jia yi
Love is not just one plus one

nu li jiu you jie ju
You won't always get results even if you work hard

sa jiao de ke ai de nian ren de ai ku de
Poutingly, Cutely, Girlishly, Loving to cry

zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ai zhe ni de
From all the photos we've taken it can be seen how much I once loved you

lian jia de lei hai wen re que mei you ren wo wo de shou
The tears on my cheeks are still warm, yet there's no one holding my hand

Ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo Jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I loved you too much, so much so that it's drowning you

Ni hai pa xing fu duan zhan yi miao jiu beng luo
You're scared that happiness will ebb after only a second

Fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo Rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Breaking up is a form of relief; it allows you to think through carefully

Wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong Ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Can you give me that life that I want

Ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo Jue bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I gave you too much, that you couldn't give me anything

Fen bu qing qi qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can't tell between fervour, promises, eternity or temptation

Ai qing shi yi dao shang kou
Love is like a wound

Wo men ge zi ku tong
Let's endure the pain ourselves

Chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou
What is my final act of gentleness

Shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Is because I love you too much

2011-01-15T16:56:00.002+08:00

I dream that I suicided.
Fell asleep last night hugging onto my fling's arm. The feeling was so horrible. I wanted him so badly yet I know he isn't mine. I slept crying to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night crying and when I woke up in the morning, I cried again. I wanted to take my own life so badly that he left. I went berserk. All I could think was he isn't mine.

I'm just an empty shell.
Life doesn't feel like it matters to me anymore.

Crumble

2011-01-13T23:50:00.003+08:00

Dear readers.

I do not care if you go ahead spreading about this post or whatever post I make. Judge me for all you want. I got my reasons for how I feel,think and react. If you do not see the full picture or don't know the full picture. All I can say is too bad.

So let me start this blog on proper.
My relationship is about to crumble. If I could start my poly life all over again, I would not join bowling. When I stepped into poly, I understood the difference between classmate, team mate and friend. They have very different meanings.

Bowling is what brought me and my current boyfriend together. Without it, I highly doubt I would ever get to meet/know him. Everything happens for a reason. The fact that RMPS brought us to bowl after exams when I'm in primary school. The fact that I thought I could bowl quite well considering I am a casual bowler. The fact that I wanted to join bowling IG because I wanted to excel in something which I felt like I could. The fact that I got selected into the school team. The fact that I fell in love with him and the fact that he likewise, fell in love with me.

Bowling is what is tearing me and my current boyfriend apart. The fact that we both hold a position in the Bowling IG. The fact that we have less time spent because of training. The fact that his parents does not really like him to bowl. The fact that I want to quit due to inefficiency of the bowling IG. The fact that I don't feel comfortable with the Bowling IG. The fact that sometimes I don't even want to be related to the Bowling IG in anyway cause some of their behavior, attitude and stupid lies disgusts me.

Kingston.
If this goes on, one day, we might just split.

I'm speaking very selfishly here. I want you to quit with me. I want you to be able to spend more time with me. This is because I know that next time, you'll be bonded to the govt. You wouldn't be using your bowling skills. It wouldn't bring you far in life either because you have already told me countless of times that you want to work for the govt. You will not be allowed to have any other jobs besides working for the govt.

Million of things are running though my head. Explains why my structure for my post today seems so distorted.

Kingston, I want you to call. But I'm too stubborn to admit. I want you to spend more time with me. I am selfish. I want you to myself. It feels like I've never been so obsessed with anyone else before. Never ever in my life.

I hate it. I hate being so much in love with you.
Sometimes I feel that it's just me. I know sometimes it really is just me making things difficult for you. Maybe splitting up will be a better option.
It's an option... not running away.

Maybe let's just split right now.

Why do some people don't have friends.

2011-01-11T23:12:00.004+08:00

Again, this is one of the life questions that I never bothered to find out because sometimes it really feels like friends does not matter to me. I have to admit and I will admit that I am guilty of some of the point I'd be sharing on why some people don't have friends in my opinion and also through research. Don't be surprised by the fact I do research. I always do random research on whatever question is on my mind.

Reason 1 : Don't like to socialize.

Some people just do not like to socialize because they do not find the need to socialize. For myself, I used to think like that. I used to think I'm better off alone and I do not need anyone else besides my family. School was not made to be make friends and play around in school. School is a place where you waste your life learning things which you know you might / will not be applying in future at your workplace. Another reason is because I came to school for one sole reason - study.

Reason 2 : Not good at socializing.

Some people are just not good at socializing. They are just born like that. I do not know why. I fall under this category. Sometimes you just can't find topics to talk about. I wouldn't agree that it is because you're scared of what others care about you. It's more like you just do not know how to really socialize.

Reason 3 :Some people think it's better to have no friends thn to have the wrong friends.

I feel that this should not be a huge factor which plays a part of this topic but there are such cases which exist. It's always better to be safe then sorry. You'll know that your family is always right as they are the ones that truly cares about you and they will always be there to fall back on whenever setbacks hits you right in the face.

Reason 4: Fear of being hurt.

Hurt comes in many forms from friends. Your friend leaves you and you feel hurt. Your friend becomes distant from you and you feel hurt. Your friend breaks your trust and you feel hurt. Your friend turns out to be someone who you never though he'd be and you feel hurt. Worse of all, recalling memories but your friend is no longer the one you used to know and you feel hurt. To avoid, some people just stay out from having friends and think that they can find other "friends" to spend time with eg, activities you can do alone.

Reason 5 : Deeply in love with spouse

I AM VERY GUILTY OF THIS LOL. But I do have friends ok. I have to admit I spend hell lot more time with my boyfriend then any of my friends I have. But it's human nature I guess. Can't blame me unless I over do it. Oh well. It's all in the name of love. (:

Reason 6:People find them boring because they are too shy.

Fact- Most people wants to be with fun people. People who are in,outspoken,fun,expressive etc. Basically, everything in the name of fun. Hence, shy people are considered to be boring, un spot-able and what so ever. But many people tend to forget that no matter how great your family is, no matter how great your god is, no matter how great your pet or whatever is, you still need friends. I didn't explore into why do human need friends or do they really actually need friends. But I feel that we do need friends.

Personally,I used to think friends are just for weaklings. People who cannot handle things themselves. People who just need others to be there. People who are not independent. People who just has too much to talk. People who just needs attention. But I think in year 1 sem 2, my views has really changed. I met great people like

Rebecca,Wirrdah,Vivian, Nadyra

. Thanks to them, I believe that friends and nice people who cares do exist.
Of course not forgetting people like

Tracy and Weiqi

who are there to support me (":
I wasn't a nice friend/class mate in year 1 sem 1. I've always told myself that in class, they are my classmate. Out of class, they are just people who passes me by. End of story. But of course not all of them are seen as classmates. Some are friends. Just friends. Those special names which were mentioned are not just friends. They do have a stand in my heart.
Shy admit but, I love them.

Shall end off my blog post here.
Ciaos.

p.s : I'm talking about friend - friend. Kingston isn't my friend so he is not included.

To my love.

2011-01-09T23:32:00.007+08:00

Before I start this post, think whatever you want to think of me.

Say whatever you want to say of me.

As I stated for the title of today's blog, it's to my love, Kingston.

So STFU & GTFO if you got issues k? (:

Peace.

Dearest,

I can never thank you enough for being so patient with me. I can never thank you enough for trying so hard to take time off to spend time with me. I can never thank you enough for showering me with so much love. I can never thank you enough for being there for me when I cry. I can never thank you enough for trying so hard to understand me. I can never thank you enough for trying to be so much better then you currently are. I can never thank you enough for trying so hard to change because of me. I can never thank you enough for re arranging your schedules. I can never thank you enough for trying not to show your emotions and let mine take over me. I can never thank you enough for trying to clam me down whenever I'm fired up.

For all those which I can never thank you enough, I'm sorry for being who, how and what I am. Trying to change, trying to take a step, took a step and just ending back to square 1. I don't like it but I guess you're the one who gets affected more. I don't change. I never change. I'm just this selfish and stubborn bitch who refuses to change although you have put in tons of effort to make me happy. Just to make me happy. I have no rights to deny the fact that you tried very hard cause you really did put in all you've got. You break down, you let emotions take over you cause you can no longer take it. You hurt yourself, you hurt me. I don't blame you. Not at all. For that, I blame no others but myself.

I look into your eyes, while you look into mine. From your eyes, your eyes asks me if I'm alright and tells me you're very worried cause you care for me. From my eyes, you told me that you know I'm hiding something from you which I refuse to tell you. You're right. Indeed I am hiding something. A lot of things from you.

I'm hiding the fact where I know that

I know that I'll never be good enough for you.
I feel guilt whenever I'm with you.
I just forget to try all the time.
I wonder if after all your effort, I'd be the one for you.
You might just be wasting for time.
I'm not worth it.

I want you to give up on me. But neither of us are ready to let go. We don't want to let go either. The atmosphere just left us both in silence as we just exchanged looks. You probably know you're going to lose me. I just feel that someday, you're going to have enough of my nonsense. You've had enough with putting up with me and you will walk out of my life.

When you said you love me, I kept quiet.

When you hugged me, I just stood still and did not hug back.

When you tried to kiss me, I shun away from the kiss.

Because I really don't deserve such a good boyfriend. I don't want you to waste your time and effort. Someone who truly deserves you is out there waiting. Someone who would be so much better than me. Someone who would give you everything which I'm too stubborn to give.

I don't know dear. The only thing which I know is that I love you and I want to spend time with you. I'm selfish because I really want you. You've not just became my boyfriend but I'm totally obsessed over you. Without you in my life for just a day makes me crazy. I feel mental without you. & I just can't stop crying cause I feel so much stuff which I no longer know what I feel. I want to tell you badly cause I don't like what I'm feeling. I just can't express it into words cause I do not know how to. You badly want to know how I feel but I just can't express it to you. It just feels like a total mess.

If I were to play a violin piece based on my feelings, it's going to be so horrible.

It's going to be from G to E strings, high to low , low to high and rough and terrible screeching notes. That's what I feel. I feel like screaming out to the top of my lungs that I'd just die cause my lungs exploded. That's how I feel.

I love you Kingston.

& I'm sorry for just being Cynthia and nothing more than Cynthia.

South Park!

2011-01-04T10:01:00.001+08:00

I finally know what I want to know and what I've been wondering about after examining a number of tweets. This apply not only for online but also in real life face to face conditions.Is it alright to just see what you want to see and not see what you don't want to see? Isn't it just plain rude to choose not to reply to certain stuff? Like just simply pretending you did not see or hear. Pretending you didn't know. Or in a nicer term, "acting" if you even think that is a nicer term. Telling people to wait and not getting back to them is also just plain stupid. It all about simply just not responding and ignoring the situation you're in. Is ignorance even a good or bad thing? It's like them saying

"Okay. I saw your message/I heard you. But I'm just going to act like I didn't receive that message."

This is nonsense. I rather them tell me, "Okay. I saw your message/I heard you. But I do not know how/what to reply you." if that is the case. Don't fucking lie into others face. They are not stupid. Also, if you as a person isn't a nice person, it'll only decrease the chances of people believing you.

I don't think you guys should think that I'm like hiding behind the computer bitching about others over the net.

It's rather cause you'll just probably ignore me and just curse me in your hearts.

I don't really care if noone likes me anymore or I've got no friends. I am sick of it. Plus I believe most people are on neutral ties with me. So yea, isn't really a huge concern to me. I come to school to study anyway.

And fuck it, I can't find

My keys
My internet stick
My earpiece

Which I somewhat blame my maid for touching and re placing my stuff and NOT REMEMBERING WHERE THE HELL AT WHICH CORNER OF THE HOUSE she placed at.

Moving on,

I would like to thank Rebecca for the southpark badge she bought for me. Cute :D

Will update a picture of it later.

Monday SUPER Blue

2011-01-03T11:01:00.003+08:00

Monday kicks in again and there's like crappy school once again. It's written over every single student faces that the sole reason why they are actually in class is because of the fact school is in. Not over the fact that they actually want to come back to school.

Thank god there is no UT today. I'm suffering from phobia of UT. The reason is because of this:

UT is such a heart breaker. I had so much hopes for my subjects.

BITCH! !@#$%^&*()

And my lip has this very ugly open wound. Initially there was a pimple that was very deep in which has no pore opening to it. I peeled the skin off hoping that it would make a hole for the puss to come out. However, failed big time. Instead, a few days later when it becomes an open wound, the puss went off by itself. How much worse can life get for me?

Well, having the perfect boyfriend makes it all up to the FML stuff.

2011-01-02T13:26:00.002+08:00

I am 1/2 way there to getting hooked onto the game of Getamped2.
I don't know what's so nice about the game but I just feel like playing all the time.

Just took a bathe. When I bathe, my thoughts are always astray and soon I go into one of the deepest thoughts I'd ever have in life.But of course, thats not the only time where I go into deep thoughts.

I was thinking about family.
I still cannot understand terms like "Family day" and such. Ok. I understand but maybe I just don't see the need.
Isn't it alright cause after all because every night, the whole family will still be at home and you get to communicate with each other?
Also, it's not like you can talk with every member of the family efficiently when you all are gathered as a big group.
I just think family day is nonsense.

That's MY POINT OF VIEW.

Also, I cannot just sit back and pretend that I feel nothing when people are being treated unfairly.

Be it they are fatter, uglier,stupider,younger,poorer,darker or whatever shit you name, they are still goddamn-ed humans after all.

EVERYONE DESERVE EQUAL HUMAN RIGHTS.

And if I were to sit back and let the person being treated unfairly get pushed over and around,

I tell you.

I will have to bloody punch myself in the face for being so inhumane.

After which, I will punch YOUR bloody face for pushing others around.

Like come on. You're human, I'm human, they are human and the person you happen to be pushing around HAPPENS TO BE A HUMAN TOO.

This leads me to todays topic of the day, the message I am trying to get across in my blog is.

If you're the one getting pushed around, fucking stand up for yourself. Don't you ever think that noone cares and it's ok being like that cause someone out there HATES the situation you're in.

& to the pushers.

Fuck off and get a life.

Happy end of 2010, Happy beginning and hopefully whole of 2011.

2011-01-01T17:42:00.008+08:00

This might be the reason why I'll never understand.

Most of the time when it comes to my boyfriend and I quarreling, it's due to the lack of understanding.
From my perspective, reasons why I fail to understand are :

One - When he tries to explain something to me, I refuse to listen.

[Refuse to listen as in my heart refuse to understand]

Two - When I explain something, I take it as he doesn't understand.

[I do not believe that he can put himself in my shoes]

Three - I just simply pretend not to understand.

[Ignorance]

I know from these three reasons, it totally seems as though whenever we quarrel, it'd be my fault. But sometimes, he just don't get it. I on the other hand, is too stubborn to give in.

Resulting in - Him giving up trying to make me understand and giving in to me *ALL THE TIME.

*When I say all the time, I really mean like ALL OF THE TIME.

& sometimes, I got to admit.
I feel so selfish.
I feel so much guilt.
& I wonder if he's really alright with things being like that.
Even if he is, does it really make him happy?

Anyway, it's 1st Jan once again.

Happy 2011 to everyone.

May this year be a better year if 2010 hasn't been good for you.

For those who had a great 2010...

Screw you k? (:

Nah joking. May you have a even greater/awesome/splendid/fuck yea perfect 2011.

Cheers,

Cynthia.

Fomg, 14 feb. )":

*cross my fingers and pray that my driving test and my UT3 doesn't clash.*

Please, please, please, please, please, please.... *chants*

Keeping my fingers crossed.

2010-12-18T20:37:00.005+08:00

Please let this 6 days of my life be nice on me.

Leaving Singapore for Penang tomorrow.

Hope it'll be fun for everyone.

Hope nothing goes wrong.

Today was x'mas event in school.

Only Wan, Meiyi, Kingston and myself went for the event.

The APSN people are nice. (: Like really nice.

What a waste that the rest didn't come.

Went causeway point to eat with them after that.

Chatted and went home. I think today is constructive.

Feels like it.

Slept in the train on Kingston's shoulder during the way home.

Came home, talked on phone, pack, sleep and here I am blogging.

Going to go for another round of sleeping soon.

Sigh.

Why did I agree to go Kingston's house to celebrate Christmas?

Hope something happens to me on that day so I don't need to go.

Hope I'll be back soon.

Hope I don't face any mental challenges.

Bye.

2010-12-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

2nd last day of school.
Somehow I do feel like going Penang anymore.
Nvm, drop topic.
Moving on.

Had bowling training today. Was not too bad.
Went home with Kingston and had a chat with him in the MRT
Came home and wash up.
Had another chat with Tracy Wong.
Both of them never fails to make me feel better with the situation I'm in and never do they fail to make myself feel good.
Thanks a million. I'm really grateful to have the both of you by my side.

Anyway,
Tomorrow I'm going to make the best out of myself in every way.
I'm going to change to become a person with a beautiful heart.
Though I know that it is not 100% possible, it's alright.

At least I tried.
& something I love about myself :
when I try, I really try and do the best I can do.

PT tmrl is canceled.
Is it something to be happy about?

Last 2 days.

2010-12-16T09:29:00.002+08:00

Reason why I do not trust anyone.

Everyone is interlinked.

The person I trust might not be the person you trust. Vice versa.

The person you trust might not be the person I trust.

If I were to give you a piece of information and I trust you with it,

you might tell the person you trust.

& there goes the information.

Don't expect me to trust you fully.

I don't get it.

2010-12-14T11:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I just wish I have no emotions. So I wouldn't get hurt cause noone can ever hurt me.

Not him, not my family, not friends nor my enemies.

But this would mean, I would not have the ability of being in love with him, feeling love and blessings given by my family. The warm friendship of my friends and not forgetting the hurt that my enemies would give to make me into a stronger person.

I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.I don't get it.

I don't get it.

Why do you still seem to shine so brightly despite your imperfections.

Why do you stand out so much despite being so alike with the rest.

Why is it you and only you who can do all these to my heart.

GAH!

I just love Kingston Mok ):

Don't ask me why. I just do ok?

I smell holidays

2010-12-13T10:46:00.004+08:00

How can I not spend 1/2 my time worrying about losing you when I know I'll lose you anytime I misbehave?

Holidays is coming. (:

I love spending time with my boyfriend. Sometimes it feels like that is the only thing which matters.

Today lunch, I met up with him. Ate chicken rice. I forgot to take chili sauce and soy sauce so I walked back to the stall to take some.

And so, there was this guy who was waiting for his plate of rice. I took the sauce dish to put soy sauce. Just when I was about to take the chili sauce, he took it away and hold it in his hand while waiting for his plate to be done. How rude can he get. The 2nd thing he did was he placed the chili sauce away from me after he was done.

Wtfuck was his problem. I seriously felt like taking the chili sauce and spray it straight into his eye and let his eye burn in hell.

Kingston behaved like a total IDIOT.

The way he talk to me and all. I know he is trying to make things less tense but I really cannot take him seriously. =.="

Blog another time.

Bye.

2010-12-10T12:15:00.002+08:00

He is ♥

Thank gosh it's Friday.

But- there is physical training later and he will not be attending. ):

Wouldn't get to seem him. I'll miss him. Am missing him too.

A lot of people aren't attending

Failed driving 2nd time yesterday. 34 points. I didn't see that coming AT ALL.

I just think the tester is some bitch ass examiner who wants to fail me probably because of my age or the first impression I give him.

Not fair for him to simply judge me like that. But oh well. I'll pass later if it isn't sooner.

I'll still pass one day. Don't drive at the most.

I think my IBS is acting up again. I'm having the syntoms. Forces me to take a cab to school all the time. I'm getting pissed with my stomach.

Today's problem seems easy yet difficult.

Can't think of how to do power point.

I think humans should learn how to be more considerate.

There are reasons why headphones and ear piece are invented. Not by chance.

differentiation? I see the difference but -

2010-12-07T22:02:00.003+08:00

Oh well. Math module today.

differentiation.

dy / dx.

Ohhhh.

Wrote lengthy RJ.

Think I'll get a lengthy comment.

Or maybe a short one.

Went for driving lessons after school.

Didn't go so well. I think my driving skills are starting to go down. Oh well.

I will try harder tomorrow.

TP on Thurs.

Wish me luck.

IN YOUR FACE! (:

2010-12-06T16:08:00.002+08:00

I like the poster (:

Credits to HongYi.

Again, I'm going to miss a day's training.

Not only today. I'll miss tomorrows training also.

I think Danica will be mad at me.

I don't think I've got any other options.

Well I did practice at home anyway.

(: Free also. Haha.

Today was a cover up faci.

She's like hot seriously. My class girls were like all so dreamy over her.

The guys weren't instead.

Hoping to get another A for today.

I've already got a B for Introduction to Communication for UT1.

How sad. Should have think harder during UT. -.-"

Anyways,

toodles.

&, love K as usual.

2010-12-05T21:58:00.006+08:00

I spend my

day going

to driving

lesson

and going

out with

Kingston's

family.

2010-12-05T00:39:00.003+08:00

HEY

YOU

UGLY

BLOG!

I swear I'd make you prettier when I got time.

JUST YOU WAIT STUPID HTML CODES :@

2010-12-03T14:08:00.002+08:00

I know I've said tons of hurtful stuff to you.

I've also done tons of hurtful stuff to you.

I end it off every time simply by just apologizing.

Sorry K.

A day where I can just mark an X over it.

2010-12-02T19:49:00.002+08:00

Missed school today.

I have not open the problem statement till now. I will do so later.

Stomach cramps can drive me crazy. Doctor recommended me to do ultrasound.

Not cause I'm pregnant or anything. Cause my menstrual cramps every month are driving me insane.

Missed bowling on Tuesday and today. Will miss bowling on next Monday and Tuesday too.

I think Coach is going to be so disappointed in me. But I've got reasons why I'm not attending training. So I am not guilty of anything.

Driving test, you better not fail me this time. I've made a lot of sacrifices for you. Don't let me down.

Will be in school tomorrow. Stomach cramps, please do not look for me tomorrow cause I am unavailable for you tomorrow. Thanks.

To my boyfriend,

I do not know if you'll read this.

I hope you wouldn't let this failure get into you so much. There is always a next time. I know it is the wait,effort and money that you dread. But that is what every failure goes through. You and I will make it for the re-test alright? I still love you all the same even though you can't drive me around. I have faith in you. You'll pass the next round on February.

Off to do attendance sheet.

Tata.

Back.

2010-12-01T18:31:00.005+08:00

Blog

revival!

Yes I did mention blog REVIVAL.

Shock much?!

Ikr (:

Tumblr does not work out well. Sorry people who uses tumblr.

Anyway, my life has been fine.

Bowling has been fine too.

Oh ya. Remember the post on me finding my dream guy?

I've found him.

His name is Kingston.

To be exact, Mok You Hong Kingston.

I will be going for Penang Open Bowling soon-ish during the holidays.

Forgot the exact dates.

Went to the doctor for check up today and had a flu jab.

Didn't hurt like I expected. Painless (:

Doctor was quite nice. Wasn't as horrible as how other team mates described.

Bowling training tomorrow. I will work harder.

MOVED :

2010-07-18T19:45:00.000+08:00

http://cynthiauses.wordpress.com/

2010-07-17T21:18:00.002+08:00

Why are you the first in my mind in the morning.
And the last I think of before I fall asleep?

I think I'm moving to livejournal again soon.
Blogger is giving me some crap problem all the time when I want to blog.

Can't access the web.

Anyways.
Laters.

Let me try to revive my livejournal.

2010-07-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

Someday, you'll find me and I'll meet you.
When it happens, we'll watch a beautiful sunset together,
me in your arms and my hands in your hands.
Alright?

Math Ut today.
Is it me or is UT2 easier compared to UT 1?
Must not be complasent.

Bowling IG has be put on hold due to YOG.
Even PT.
Oh man ):
I'm going to suffer from boredom after school.

Wednesday trio league is in tomorrow.
I'll be bowling tomorrow.
Nervous.
But I guess like what everyone says,
" It is for experience. "

Life feels like it is going down.
I think all I need is a break from thinking too much.

2010-07-10T22:05:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO WISELY!

Back to blogging. (:

I decided not to blog on such a daily basis.
I get sick of blogging very fast.

But I will update when I feel that I should update.

I did not stop blogging because of some nonsensical random tag from apparently someone named, "Cynthia's mum".

And I don't give a damned about that comment.

& if I do remove my tag board, it isn't because I'm afraid of getting another of those tag.

It just mean that
You came my blog to read about MY LIFE.

I do not need your comment.
(:

Tell me in the face to stop flirting and I'll tell you in the face to **** off.
TYVM.

2010-06-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

Taking a break from blogging.
Come back soon.

Bye.

2010-06-28T22:01:00.003+08:00

Nothing to blog for today.

I had fun today.
But I'm dead tired.

And I don't have the mood to blog.

kthxbai.

2010-06-25T08:28:00.001+08:00

What is a bag , a bowling bag and a rainy day?
What is a day with programming and you can never solve the problem statement of the day.
What is a day being stuck with some members who does not do anything to help.

What's more,
a day I don't get to see / hear from him much.

I miss him.

You're the candies for my heart

2010-06-24T20:23:00.002+08:00

Had fun with JiaWen today
New team member yay.
(:

At bowling alley now.
Today got league.
All the best to league bowlers.

{:

Today sci module was hell.
So confusing.
The new terms introduced to us. hurhur.

Anyway.
Lazy to blog.

Laters!

I like people who makes my day feel good.

2010-06-23T21:49:00.002+08:00

No picture for today.
Abit tired to look for picture.

Today math module was easy.
Did not involve much math / any math at all.

Supposed to watch karatte kid with classmates but the plan got striked off.
I went out with Darren instead.

We went to Causeway point to walk and have dinner.
Didnt buy anything cause I'm broke.
I'm left with 10 for this week.
Thank god it is Thrusday tomorrow.
Would be better if it was Friday.

Went dinner at pastamania.
Darren ate dinner while I just took a drink.
Made our way home at about 8pm.

Thanks Darren for today.

What can I say about today?
Awesome.

2010-06-22T15:15:00.003+08:00

" That girl is one kiss

away from

writing your name all

over

her sneakers. "

2010-06-22T13:25:00.002+08:00

Ate at FoodHaven today for 2nd lunch break with Vanessa and Darren.
(:

Came back class and just stoned.
Slacked.
Should just partial but I don't want to just waste my grade away like that.
): This is depressing.

I should have really gone to SAS or SOH.
I don't like SIT.
How am I going to survive?

Need help for programming.

Desprate for help.

2010-06-21T21:28:00.002+08:00

It is only you who can make me smile to myself and draw these stupid little hearts.

Bowling PT.
Tired ttm!
Fun fun.
But not fun ttm :X

Came home for dinner.
Felt a little down.

But what does down will go back up and well as
what goes up will come back down.

Having an early night today.
Good night Earthlings.
{:

2010-06-21T12:57:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me why bieber. I don't have any better pictures.
Lol.

Pt later. Looking forward.
But...
Oh well.
Soon la soon.

Problem solving module today.
Today's problem ok.
Next week will be bad I heard.

Had chicken cutlet again for lunch.
I need to cut down on western srsy.
Later running confirm cui.

Going to reach home late again.
Lol...

What is the point of feeling guilty if I know that I did not lie.
I just feel sad for you that you have yet to realize the truth.

2010-06-19T17:01:00.002+08:00

If only knowing you'd like me is this easy.

What are the chances of being together?

I like you a lot, a lot.

Woke up at 9.45 am today.
Went for driving lessons.
Decided to go back to lower delta home after the " incident " yestderday.
I need a break from things.

Being home feel so good.
Nothing beats the feeling of being home again.

Went down to vivo before getting home to get all pupose flour to bake later.
Just felt like baking.
It'd be nice if I could give him some.
But I don't think it's possible.

I'm left with 72 bucks in my bank.
Uh oh.
Think I better get some cash from my dad tomorrow if I remember.
Pt on monday.
School on monday.
Somehow, I'm already missing school.

So what am I feeling?

Colbie Caillat : Fallin' For You.
http://www.metrolyrics.com/fallin-for-you-lyrics-colbie-caillat.html

2010-06-17T17:53:00.002+08:00

HELLO ALL!

Let me start on today's post.
Pictures first.

Alright.
Today I had science mod.
Today was boring.
Everyone didnt seem to have the mood to do.
I'm looking forward to the next holiday.
Nothing else.
Ok maybe there is but yea.

It seems that he is feeling better but I'm not sure.
I hope he is though. {:
Hope I'll get to see him again soon.
Real soon please. ):
It's only a day yet...
):

Gah.
Anyways.
Met my bowling friends after school.
Cabbed to Yishun Safra together.
Went opposite Safra to eat. I didnt eat though.
Only had mash potato.

Btw.
Is is po-ta-to or po-tay-to?
so isit toe-ma-toe or toe-mei-toe.
~~or is it suck-mah-toe.~~
Gross. haha.

Bowling training later.
Looking forward.

Falling , falling.
I fell for you.

2010-06-16T23:27:00.002+08:00

GLITZ 2010!
First of all.
Main stress I want to make on today's post.

CONGRATULATIONS TEAM RP BOWLING!
WE'RE TEAM OF THE YEAR 2010!

Anyways, shall we start on my story today?
*winks*

Reached school a little late today.
But still before faci.
Math is like boring today.
Did things on internet downloading speed.
I dont care how it downloads as long as it downloads.

Had lunch at lawn with Farhana, Suhaimi, Alloy and Gabriel.
Quite failed lunch but haha. Yea la.
Cause I asked them out for lunch.
So it's a fail yay.

Went back class.
Wisley and Lanerd came over to my class outside.
Chit chat.
They were bored cause it's programming and they gave up.
):

Faci came and I went back in.
No ppt today.
Mahjong paper and a marker to solve 4 questions.
Got 9 points.
Noone got above 9 so yea.

Class ended a little late.
Met up with all of them and waited for 5pm.

Thanks Wisley for the biscuits.
So cute.
Forgot the bear's name ):
I can't bear to eat it.
I'll keep the box HAHA!

Met up with the rest at TRCC.
Snapped picts on Kelly's camara.
We got thirsty and went to buy drinks.
I drank like 1/2 the bottle and I decided to just bring into GLITZ.
Got stopped by the person whos letting us in cause its sweet drink.
Darren finished it and threw it away for me.
Thanks Darren!

Clarra was nominated sportswomen of the year but she didnt win ):
Jack was nominated sportsman of the year and he won.

Bowling team was chosen as a chose of the team of the year and we won!
I could not stress how happy the team was.
Everyone just went off like sirens.

Went home after that.
Couldnt join them for dinner.
I never could.
I'll join them soon.
I HOPE D:
I really want to but I can't
Sigh.

& I really cannot take my eyes off you.
I'm falling so deep for you.
I miss you.
Hope you'll come back soon.

It's like I want you to know.
But I'm afraid.

I'm starting to think that you're the one.

2010-06-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

If you need someone to pour your heart out to, I can be the one
If you need someone to cry on, I can be the one.
No promises.
But I can assure you that I'll be there for you whenever I can and I'll do things to make you feel better.
Cheer up.

PT after school.
Fun fun fun.
Loving every single bit of bowling IG.
The people there.
The IG itself.
Even PT.

EVERYTHING.

Posted a status. Like this and I will post smth I like about you on your wall.
10 people liked it if I'm not wrong.

Not difficult to like people at all.
(:

Off to bed.

Goodnight everyone.

It's not easy but try to take care of yourself and rest well.

2010-06-14T12:57:00.002+08:00

The best mango drink I've ever drank.
No joke.
Best.

Welcome back one and all to school
Yay.
*claps* S:

I set my alarm at 5.45am last night when I needed to leave home at 7.15am.
End up waking up 1 hour earlier and cannot get back to sleep.

Dad fetched me to school today.
Thanks dad.
Got semi - lost on the way.
Idk how am i going to drive next time.
Confirm lost on the road.
Whats more alone with some stupid device which says
" Turn left 100 meters ahead "

In school now.
Having physical training later after school.
Feel like ditching Physcial training cause I'm feeling lazy.
But it's not a good excuse.
Something like my sis is going overseas and need me to go buy jeans for her might be a better excuse.
Smart uh Cynthia. Smart.

Lots of sarcarsm in my blog these few days cause I just feel the need to update but I do not know what to put down to make my blog more interesting.

Cause,
Your mum rates me.
(Y)

2010-06-12T02:05:00.002+08:00

Dearest Martell, I swear I will never drink you again.

Cheers.

Went to skate park today.
Met up with Qash and Nashuha. (:
Did a 50% correct ollie today.
SLIDE CYNTHIA SLIDE UP!
POP. JUMP!
JUMP HIGHERRR!

Okay.
Skated / walk / ran to cinie from skatepark.
Short distance.
Cui.
Cui like cui.
Damned cui.

Went to meet kat soon after skating.
Went 7-11 to get coke
Mixed with martel and woohoo.
Felt like crap.

Went subway for dinner.
Could not finish.
Went home and threw up my dinner.
Win.

Came home and webcammed.
till now.

I wonder how is he doing.
Cheery.
{:

It feels right yet it feels wrong.
How?

2010-06-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

Please note that this post is posted when I am 1/4 - 1/2 drunk.

I miss him so much.
I wish that I had more time spent with him.
I want him to hold me close and tell me that everything is alright.
I want him just so much.
Idk if its cause I'm feeling loney or whatever.

I just know I like him.
The feeling gets deeper each time.

I just can't stop looking at your way.

Hope to see him soon.

2010-06-11T13:17:00.000+08:00

Cheerys.
I hope that things will get better for you.

Woke up at 10.45am.
Feeling sleepy.
Had another nightmare.
3 nightmares in 2 nights.
Win.

Going to skatepark later.
Going to go get some long pants for now.
I need more of em.
Like lots more.

Skateboarding is addictive.
So is bowling.

Lifes getting a wee bit busier.
But I'm simply loving it.

The different sides of me which I can't explain why.

2010-06-09T19:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I can be girlish.
Sometimes I can be guyish.

That's something I can't explain why.

Sometimes I can be noisy.
Sometimes I can be quiet.

That's something I can't explain why.

Sometimes I can be real nice.
Sometimes I can be a real bitch.

That's something I can't explain why.

Sometimes I think of you in the day.
Sometimes I think of you in the night.

That's something I can't explain why.

Killed the rest of my day at Skate park.
Went alone initially.
Met 2 awesome friends.
Nasuha and Qash.
They taught me how to skateboard.
Thanks a lot (:
Much appreciated.

I am a slow learner but I'll progress.
Thinking of taking up skating class.
100 bucks for 4 sessions
( 1 time a week )

Need more long pants.
Stupid big thighs.
So big for what.

Inproportionate me.

Shall practice skate somewhere.
Idk where but just somewhere.

& I really cannot explain why am I like that.
I'm just me.
Get it?
{;

2010-06-09T15:07:00.002+08:00

At times I wonder.
What gives others the courage to keep their heads held up so up high.

Anyways,
Facial in the morning.
Gosh I badly needed that.
Thanks mum for paying for facial.
Costed a bomb.

Went to Somerset 313 after that.
Bought a dress at uni clo.
and had my breakfast/ lunch at burger king.

Went to skate park but there's only like 2 people skating.
Cause the ground is wet.
( it rained )
They shouldn't skate srsly.
Bad for decks. ):
Unless they are rich then yea.

Chanced upon a nice deck yesterday online.
[ Yes dammit why is it always online? ]
http://www.a1skateboards.com/product.asp?product=1DGIRKOSUT81200

Going to skate later.
But I don't know where.
Prolly just bellow my block.
Its the only dry piece of land / floor / ground available.

Might end up at esplanade.
I wonder does people skate there.
If there isn't, I'll just sit there and watch people do thier thing.

& yea.
I'm going out with myself.
and I LOVE going out with myself.
Beat that.

2010-06-07T02:51:00.002+08:00

3 Years ago,

" While you were holding on desperately, all I did was let go. "

Now,

It's Monday, 7th June, 2010.
2.56AM.
I'm still trying to get over you.

Enough said.

It's time for me to go to bed.
Good night world.

Slowly.
I might just...

2010-06-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

Bishan, Tampines.
Long walks, short sprints.
Warm love, cold wars.
The many holes in your shoes that beats mine.

Went for driving lessons today.
Met the new instructor.
He is alright.
Let's me drive the way I want.

I will be changing school after I get my FTT done though.
(: Can't wait.
Went for bowling at Warren after lessons.
Sucky scores.
I'm scared.

Driving lessons tomorrow.
All the best to myself.

Nothing much to blog these days.
Life's going to go back up soon.
(:

Oh.
And I need more cash for shopping.

I'll just smile and you'll do the same.

2010-06-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

Back at home.
Time to update.

Question : What have I been to?
Answer : Bowling chalet/camp.

Camp was fun.
I enjoyed myself.
Thanks seniors for organising this chalet for the bowling team.

Those who did not come missed out big time.
Missing out the fun and bonding we share after going through this camp.

Lazy to share details on the chalet.

All I can say is that my butt hurts because I've been lying on the butt bone to sleep.
The floor of the chalet is harder then normal ground.
I'm not joking.
}:

After booking out, most of the team went for breakfast at whitesand kopitiam.
Chatted and had fun.

Went off with Kennedy and Kingston.
Went to Kennedy's home to take my bowling ball.

I know in your minds are
"Why the fuck is your bowling ball even in his house?"
Not scandal please.
Lol.

He brought it home for me cause camp didn't need it.
Thanks Kennedy.

Slacked at his house for 3 hours with him.
We sang karaoke.
LOL.
Funny.
Chatted and sing.
Sing and chat.

Went home and went off to driving after that.

I've been thinking a lot to myself today.
Indeed human behaviour is strange.
After today, I told myself that I am not to dislike anyone.
This is because everyone does things differently and they all have thier reasons.

& some of them might not realize they are doing what others do not like.

Why dislike?
Why hate?

When we can all correct each other, love each other and just make the world a better place to live in.

I think like that,
people would love everyone around more.
The world might just spin a little faster and days would be better spent.

Perhaps if everyone made friends with me 3 years back,
they might have liked me more.

& I can assure everyone this.

I might be the quietest and boring-est person you've ever met.
But I will be the most reliable and understanding person you'll ever meet.

Hello Bowling camp.

2010-06-01T21:35:00.003+08:00

Hey, it's been awhile.
Holidays are in.
But this holiday is going to be packed for me.
Bowling camp and work.
Being busy makes me happy.

I'm sorry but hatred boils within me whenever I think or see you.
I can never ever understand you. Ever.
& I don't think I want to.
I don't even want to acknowledge you.

Feelings, I cannot, will not and must not give in to you.
You make me feel miserable and sad.
Why hold feelings for someone you will never have.
Can't you bloody see.
Can't you just love me more than him.
I effing hate you feelings.
Stop interfering.

Is making me worked up your hobby or smth?
GTFO and get a life.
Ass.

Or maybe I'm just having my pms.

Hello holidays. Hi camp, driving lessons and work.

2010-05-29T20:11:00.002+08:00

Came back to my real home on thrusday night after bowling training.

Finally got my bowling bag on thursday.
Mum help me to pay.
Thanks mummy.

NUM is still having the 50% off sales.
I want the bag like badly.
Might get it tomorrow, might not.
Should get one for Charlene.

Today went to Vivo,
saw Lynette working. (:
Bought youghurt from her place.
Went to pet store.
I'm going back to buy a hermit crab tomorrow.

Hermit crabs are socialable creatures.
That was something I never knew.

Came home,
pizza for dinner.

Bowling chalet from 2nd - 4th June.
Looking forward.
I miss camps.
Hope I'd be able to mix around with them.
They all seem nice.

& everytime when I'm determined to forget about him,
he appears in my dreams.

2010-05-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

I know you have ran a long way.

But your final destination isn't

me.

2010-05-24T12:43:00.002+08:00

"Somewhere underneath, we're all the same faceless skin and bones.
Take off yours, and I'll take off mine."

Give me 10 reasons to be happy.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Give me 10 reasons to be sad.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Give me 10 reasons to be nice.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Give me 10 reasons to be like myself.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Cause I can give you a million of reasons why I shouldnt be all of the above.

2010-05-22T17:20:00.002+08:00

A and Bs.

Starting to like school.
Holiday after next week.
But it's only 2 weeks.
Fair enough.

Have been getting quite a number of As for daily grades.
Hope I'll do well got UT.
I need to pay attention more in class and do better ppts.
I tend to take pride in my work these days when I put in effort.
Makes me happy.
Makes me happy to see my team mates happy when there is a job well done.

This is when I start to think to myself :
Thank god I'm in RP.

2010-05-21T14:40:00.006+08:00

I’m sorry
For breaking all the promises
That I wasn't around to keep
It's on me

This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay

But you're already on your way

Not linked.

That's because I can readily take in criticism
& see them as tips on areas to improve on.
This is what that makes ME better than YOU.

2010-05-18T23:30:00.003+08:00

Got my bowling ball today.
12.3
Guess what colour {:

Wanted to get orange. So cute!
But it is not avalible in the pound I want.
PINK!
... is not sold.

Blue is not bad.
Blue then.
170+ dollars flew.

and 10 for training.

No training on thrusday.

and great, my bowling ball is in locker and I planned to go bowl on weekend.
(Y)

Love my team mates for science module.
Awesome people.

2010-05-17T22:19:00.002+08:00

Please be in stock for me on saturday.

Schooled today.
1st to reach class again.
School wasnt bad.

Had physical training after school.
Dead tired.
2 rounds around feild as warm up.

3 reps.
10 types of workout.
10 times of each workout.

10 types of workout includes :
squats ( trust me the proper way isnt easy )
the rest i kind of forgot.
Pumping,
roman smth.
smth like roman smth.
Idk.

I just know after the traning I feel that I've always look to highly on myself when it comes to phycial workouts.
& I know I cannot bathe/eat/raise my arms.

Thank god my legs are fine.
Tomorrow bowling.
How to survive?

Bowling really isn't a less tiring sport at all.

Anyways,
Oh my days.
1 day before I went for bowling try out, I went to warren country club to train on bowling cause I have not touched bowling for quite awhile.

Today, my coach asked.
Coach > were you at warren with your family the other time?
Me > yes. why? how you know?
Coach > I saw you play.
Me > O_O *oh shitttt*
Coach > I feel that you have potential.
Me > haha thanks ! :D

and also.

I did 10 male pumping.
Heard that it was perfect. (no butts out or in or whatever mistakes )
Coach to team > Learn from Cynthia.
Me > Oh my days. *starts laughing [shy]*

2010-05-16T01:43:00.002+08:00

& at times like this,
I feel like telling the world to shut up and leave me alone.

I need some quiet time alone.
I enjoy being alone.

& I can assure you that I'm not feeling sad.
I just want to be alone.

2010-05-15T15:10:00.002+08:00

Life in Republic Polytechnic might not be that bad afterall.
(:
Having good grades makes me happy.

Feeling motivated again.
Shall press on and work harder to acheieve more.

I got a feeling as weeks goes by, Faci will expect more from me.
I can't just produce the same thing everyday.
I'm really quite confident that soon they will expect more from me.

Reading and going through comments on how to improve.
Hope I'd be able to apply during the next lessons in life or rather in life.
I know I've got flaws I'm trying to work on it to be a little closer to perfection.
But then again, noone is perfect. (:
& that is what makes me, me.

I'm sure my parents will be proud of me. (:
Its my first time doing so well in life.
Things might just get better.

Don't you think so?
*smiles*

2010-05-14T11:29:00.002+08:00

I feel like I'm in art class.
Seriously.

& I produce primary school standard drawings. (:

TGIF!

2010-05-14T08:25:00.002+08:00

Blood and gore.
<3

THANK GOD SRSLY.
Thank god it's Friday.
I feel so exhaused this week.
Next week will be hell.
Have physical training next week.
Tell me about it.

Finally faci is nice enough to give me and A
and also added points on what and where to imporve on.
Thanks.(?)
When I try to improve I never seem to improve only for his lessons.
I'm not trying to mean anything.

Friday! (:

Dear Thrusday. You're 2 days away from saturday,

2010-05-13T08:09:00.002+08:00

When my daily post starts like that,
This means that,
I should have just stayed in bed a little longer.

Thrusday what can I say about you?
Dearest programming and bowling.
Sure tired like some dog.
Tomorrow's module is problem solving.
There is UT tomorrow too.

&what the shit.
I bought FBT and bowling says no FBT.
and saying no FBT is equvilant to saying
No nike, no adidas, no other sorts of sport house brands.
What logic!
I don't care. Its either shorts today or knee length FBT.

2010-05-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

Just to remind myself. (:

Nothing to blog today.
Got home early.
Tomorrow is programming.
Going to partial attendance if faci isn't here.
Stand in Faci not too FTW.

2010-05-12T08:08:00.001+08:00

Sleepy bored and hungry.
But feeling alright.

Today is math module.
Think there is going to be a change of group.
& my bangles are uber noisey.
Think I'll remove it like 1/2 way through class.

I'm quite confident I'm near 60% pink.
My top is pink, watch, shoe.
But it's gay.
Pink is gay.
But it's nice.

Purple wins it all.

2010-05-11T22:11:00.002+08:00

Cause coming at 8am,
I get to choose if I want Darkgreen,yellow,blue, orange or light green.
{:

Schooled.
Today I feel smart in class.
Good job for today to everyone.

Dress code colour for tomorrow : Pink.
I have no pink shirts.

Went to eat ice cream with my classmates today
( JiaWen,Lynn,Norman and Franko.)
Shared waffle ice cream at galare. {:
Afterwhich, shopping.
Didnt buy anything.
Failed pink shopping experience.

Went to lot1 cotton on to buy instead.
Had no choice but to buy a pink tee from cottonon body.
Looks so hugeee!
But what to do.
Fat pink mashmellow = Cynthia.
aka Sakura also.
Damned. Nice names.
(Y)

I'm still learning how to love myself bit by bit each day.

2010-05-10T22:10:00.002+08:00

Once again, credits to flickr.
What remainds.

Today was fine.
School was kind of great.
Had new grouping today.
Grouped with :
Careen,
ShiYong,
RenFeng,
LAST AND THE LEAST =.=
Jin Kai.

Jin Kai MIA-ed during study break 2.
Quite happy and satisfied with group.
Happy with group's team work and presentation.
Was not bad at all.

School ended a little later today.
Went to meet WenXin and bused to causeway point together.
Reached and went G-darno to buy polo tees for training.
(: Thanks WenXin for the accompany.

Got home and went to Warren for bowling with my cousin.
Wanted to update blog with some of my own snapshots.
My bowling today SUCKED badly. I never did hit a 100 today.
The bowling ball has horrible drilling.
( Cause it didnt fit me at all )
But my phone is taking too long to sync with my Laptop.
They just dont go well.
Black berry & a Fujitsu.

and I like to say it SEH-MAI
not SEH-MEEE.
Cause it really is SEH-MAI.
(Semi)

Cynthia is tired for today.
Going to bed soon.
{:

Good night world.
<3

Letting go.

2010-05-10T14:46:00.002+08:00

Woke up not feeling good today.
But reached school feeling happy.
Maybe cause I blasted "happy" songs into my ear ):

Smiled throughout the whole day.
Never looked this happy in school before.
I bet my classmates thinks I strike a lottery or something.

Life is going to be better.
Thats what I promise myself.
(:

Smile and the world will smile with me.
Even if the world dosen't.
I'd smile.

and lie to myself that I'm alright.

Hopes, wishes and tiny dreams.

2010-05-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

You're right.
You're nothing like me.

thats why you seem to shine so brightly in my eyes.
Cause I'm nothing like you.

You're perfection.

2010-05-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

爱只有简单笔画
却比想像复杂
恨安定爱变化　我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍　却还是没能
将幸福留下

Just wanted to say.
I feel like keeping everything to my diary & myself.
Should I?

2010-05-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

Even if it is not worth the wait,
I choose to believe it is.
Cause,
I ____ him.

Went back to Lower Delta yeserday.
Took a train to Bugis first to meet mum.
Met girlfriend at her shop before meeting mum.
Met mum and bought dinner.
Fetched sisters back from bugis to home.
Bathed and ate.

Slept at 10pm and woke up at 1.30pm the next morning. Or maybe , noon.
Didn't charge my phone cause I forgot to bring my charger home.
Revised programming.
Stupid pyhon.
Am I that difficult to understand?
Stop giving me syntex error please.

Understanding test next week.
a series of them.
Uh oh ):

Plan to go to places I want next week.
I need a day alone.
I want to take all the pictures I need by next week.
(:
Then buy a bigger box.
More coloured paper.

It might not be a perfect gift.
But it'll be one which is meaningful.

List of things Cynthia must do :
Study harder for UT.
Participate in class more.
Understand lessons more.
Do well for UT.
Love herself more.

Last but not least.
Cheer up!

Noone wants to see me sad.

Sorry world,
I choose to wait.
♥

2010-05-07T10:46:00.002+08:00

Sometimes things are not the way it seems.

Reached school having stomach ache.
Felt like going home during the first study break.
Didn't feel good at all.

L4D during lesson.
and blogging during lesson.

Shall wear HSS P.E shirt to school on Monday.
(:

I miss HSS.
& of course GMSS.

2010-05-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*imagine you never did catch the chance to tell how much you love the person
*and when the next time your love meets you is when you're lying in a coffin with your eyes closed.
*What then?.
Vincent T . says:
*o_o
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*I FEEL LIKE
*I CANNOT CONTAIN MY FEELINGS TO MYSELF
*I FUCKING
*FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND CRYING
Vincent T . says:
*><
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*WHY
*DO
*I ALWAYS
*SCREW UP
Vincent T . says:
*on what
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*EVERYTHING
Vincent T . says:
*:\
*haish
*slowly build up ? ><
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*why cry and lie to yourself that you feel better when you know nothing feels in place.
Vincent T . says:
*mm..
*:\
*i do not know what to say
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*why i always cry
*just now
*see pict only
*ALSO CRY
*I feel like dying
Vincent T . says:
*><
*you needa relax
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*HOW TO
*I miss him so much
Vincent T . says:
*somehow :\ .. idk how to
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*Fuck tard
*when i inhale.
*can feel that im sobbing
Vincent T . says:
*><
*you cried ma
*:\
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*badly in my heart.
*if everyone had powers to see true emotions
*you'll prolly see me crying everyday
Vincent T . says:
*haish
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*if I can express myself
*I'll prolly tell my class
*the reason why i work with you guys
*and do not pick a fight
*is because I want to get into uni
Vincent T . says:
*><
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*If i could tell everyone who I love in the world I love you
*the first person I'd tell is my mum
*if I could restart everything
*I'd tell dongli I love you.
Vincent T . says:
*i really don't know how to help you nor what to say anymore :\
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*just read.
*its more then enough.
Vincent T . says:
*ooh
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*if i could make up
*i would do everything i can
*i dont mind getting slapped back
*in the face.
*it felt so yesterday
*feels so ystd..*
*laughing at ppl who miss the train..
*laughing at each other stupidity,,.
*scolding him
*writing love letter for him in class
*smsing him 24/7
*calling him at night.
*when i walk to school alone.
*i always imagine hes beside me.
*walking with me .
*i wake up in the morning telling myself.
*Morning Cynthia. tdy will be better. Cause today you get to imagine that you're spending another daywith dongli
*I lie to myself every single day
*at night I tell myself. Good night sweet dreams Dongli . ILY.
*He knows nothing.
*about what I think
*but he knows everything about me.
*I know nothing about him
*i dont know who he likes
*idk what kind of ppl he mix with
*I dont know a single thing..
*i feel so..
*far..
*and still drifting.
*Cynthia must stop crying
*Must..
*di you there?..
Vincent T . says:
*mm?
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*you reading ar.
Vincent T . says:
*yep
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*k..
Vincent T . says:
*><
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*idk if
*he felt this much pain
*or worse.
Vincent T . says:
*x_x
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*is waiting a solution
*dreams are dreams
*he appeared in my dreams
*it might not be the same as my dreams
*the one Im in love with might be the one i met 3 years ago
*i dont even know if hes changed.
*what if i came to realize he changed
*and I dont like him
*and I'm stuck with loving the guy I met 3 years ago
*How
*Its like falling in love with someone who dosent exist.
*how ? I really dont know how..
*I seek for answers which I can never find
*I wait for things which will never come.
*I lie to myself everyday for a moment of happiness but a day of sadness.
*What does life want from me.
Vincent T . says:
*><
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*& when I find myself crying
*I tell myself
*Cynthia you totally deserve all these shits.
*I cut my hair
*so noone will like me
*and I like noone
*noones going to like a butch looking girl
*someone who wear non hugging tees
*3/4 pants.
*and shoes.
*with a bag pack
*everyday with hair that falls the same place.
*who rushes out of class and back home when the clock hits 3.30pm everyday.
*I just feel so tired.
*it feels like I've tried.
*But i havent..
*if my mental strength is my physcial strength
*I would have collapsed
Vincent T . says:
*x_x
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*sorry.. i suddenly pour out everything..
Vincent T . says:
*mm
*its okay
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*but
*I really feel like giving up
*but i dont want to let go..
*i cant bear to.
*and i dont dare to..
*do you have any idea how desprate I am
*to the extend of going to friendster looking at the old love notes he send me.
*Looking at the purple box, the purple wallet and the pencil case he gave me
*do you have any idea how desprate I am seriously..
*im so screwed up
Vincent T . says:
*haish
*don't think too much ba
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*you're not helping..
Vincent T . says:
*imma go out now
*idk how to help
*x_x
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*kbb.
Vincent T . says:
*rest early
Cynthia: My EX- Boyfriend. says:
*bb.
Vincent T . says:
*tt tmr if you go off ltr
*byeee

The colour of life

No sense

Refresh my webpage please.

Engage.

Worn out:

Year 2 Sem 2.

Hello Mac.

StumbleUpon

browhaus!

Things are hanging. But I ain't floating.

From the bottom of my heart.

Hey my used to be other half of me

Simple yet sweet 19th.

StumbleUpon

I wonder

Fact roll.

Human behavior

Transfer of feelings.

Oh really? That's just what you think.

Dear Valentines day. May you be a pleasent one.

Tissue Hime :D

Because we're all merely humans and I'm one of the one with more flaws.

ef·fort

Copied from Kelly Ng's blog.

I si hao lian. How?

-0.5 }: Pain leh.

The parts of puzzles does not necessary fit.

Reverse

Crumble

Why do some people don't have friends.

To my love.

South Park!

Monday SUPER Blue

Happy end of 2010, Happy beginning and hopefully whole of 2011.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Last 2 days.

I don't get it.

I smell holidays

differentiation? I see the difference but -

IN YOUR FACE! (:

A day where I can just mark an X over it.

Back.

MOVED :

You're the candies for my heart

I like people who makes my day feel good.

I'm starting to think that you're the one.

The different sides of me which I can't explain why.

I'll just smile and you'll do the same.

Hello Bowling camp.

Hello holidays. Hi camp, driving lessons and work.

TGIF!

Dear Thrusday. You're 2 days away from saturday,

Letting go.

Hopes, wishes and tiny dreams.